My Special StoryTHE MINISH CRAP
by cakedoughnutschickenboob
Summary: it's basically the Minish Cap with Links POV, like zelda is a sad little stalker. It's over! Check it out and love you all. Sorry it was so short and has taken a year to update.
1. The Little Random British Kid

**My Special Story-LINK HAS FEELINGS TOO **

**The Minish Crap **

Author's note: hi everyone out there in fan fiction land. i was really bored and my friend showed me this site. some stuff in this won't be EXACTLY what really is supposed to happen in the game. also, my spellng and GrAmMeR may not be perfect but bare with me. i love this site and i hope you lovvvvvvvve my fic! peace out homies! (lol)

Link: coff coff...omg! i can talk! umm, sorry about cakedoughnutschickenboob (CDCB)'s long intro. CDCB does not own me, any Zelda characters, Napoleon Dynamite, the creepy, fat, mental, lady on the diving board (inside joke but v. v. funny), the clownz, cows, evil demon chickens, or the random British kid looking for Harry Potter. now that i can talk, i'd just like to say, that all you residents of Hyrule suck! i save you guy how many times and WHAT THANX DO I GET? Absolutely nothing! NOTHING! i want presents not just "thank-you for saving us Link, we love you!" you know what? NO! (also if u can help me, CDCB is such an obsessed fan she has kidnapped me and i am being held hostage in her basement! HELP ME!)

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Chapter 1- The Little Random British Kid 

Day 1: my grandfather wants me to write this journal… he says it will help me in school…..NEWSFLASH I'm not 12 anymore, I'm 13…and a ½! Gawd idiotz! (excuse my Napoleon Dynamite for i am very sugar high on the pop, cake, and cookies after all it is my b-day)

Day 2: today wuz really creepy! my stalker (princess Zelda) came over to my house and made me go to some tarded festival about this fairytale. Something to do with real small elves or something…… girlz! who actually understands them? the worst part wuz that my grandpa thinks dat she's my gf! holy crap it wuz awkward! anyways the festival sucked and Zelda is a spoiled brat. the highlight of the day wuz talking to this little British kid…..

_Flashback: _

'_lil kid: 'ello 'ave u seen 'Arry Po'er? 'or platform 9 3/4 _

_Me: Kid… ur in the wrong fic!_

'_lil kid: dreadfully 'orry! _

_Me (pulling out my sword and basically murdering him): night, night random 'lil kid (cue maniacal laughter)_

'_lil kid (saying his last words): bl…..bl…..bloody……'e…'e….'ell……….._

Day 2½: well, my day turned around just then…. Zelda and i went to da sword contest thingy and all of a sudden this really disturbing fat guy wearing a spandex suit with a cape came up to us. it reminded me of that time at the swimming pool. this creepy, fat, mental, lady went off the diving board. She almost broke it! It was so bloody funny (curse you random 'lil British kid). where wuz i…. oh yeah the guy in the spandex! apparently his name is Vaati! he wuz such a tard………. until he turned Zelda to stone…. u could just here the angels go "Alleluia!" i tried to save her….. sort of so i might get resents or something for being a hero….but I ended up in the castle almost dead (dun DuN DUN!)

Day 3: yawn why you peoples always wake me up before 1:00 pm! some old maid woke me up (SHE WUZ SO UGLY I THOUGHT SHE WUZ A HAG or a witch…..maybe a hagitch or a wag….. I think I'll go with a hagitch 'cause it's more original) anywayz, I walked over to the "Throne Room" and saw the king….. omg he wuz soooooo fat ewwwww… he wants me to help, yes help his daughter. at first I thought he meant mentally and that can't be done…but he wanted me to save his daughter and all of Hyrule! why didn't he just say so! Hylians….geez. all I can say is that they better give me cookies and presents for all of my hard work! (what i luv cookies especially chocolate chip ones nummy!)

Day 3½: apparently, i'm supposed to go to the forest or the "Minish Woods." What the _insert swear word of your choice here _is a Minish! sooo in the "Minish Woods" (MW) i saw this creepy 'lil bird/hat/green thingy. it wuz getting beat up and I wuz laughing at it from afar. it's not that hard to kill the pig/octopus thingamabobz anywayz. all of a sudden an image of my dead mother appeared…..

_Flashback #2:_

_Dead Mother (DM): hello Link_

_Link: what the Hell?_

_DM: WHAT DID I TELL U ABOUT USING LANGUAGE LIKE THAT!_

_Link (sucking his thumb): sorry Mommy! soo why r u here?_

_DM: the three goddesses sent me to make you do things….._

_Link (open eyed): WhAt?_

_DM (pulling out a list): clears voice 1. help save Hyrule, 2. chew with ur mouth closed, 3. say pleaz and thank-u…………… …17. never ever fart in public, 18. never ever, ever crap in public,…………………21. eat all ur veggies, 22. listen to ur mother, 23. don't swear,………………………………………………173. save the Minish Crap dude_

_Link (almost asleep): this is retarded!_

_DM (still drowning on): **#187: NO BACK SASS!**_

_Link (bored out of his mind): **so i'll save the creepy hat thing!**_

_DM: Good boy! have a cookie. soooo where wuz ur father buried..._

_Link: no? yes? i can't seem to remember… mabe some presents will help clarify this 4 me._

_DM (splinging away): spling_

_Link: CRAP! i really wanted a pony too._

Day 3½'s ½: after my mom splinged away i decided i didn't want to be killed by the goddesses so I helped the "Minish Crap?"

_Yet Another Disturbing Flashback:_

_Minish Crap? (while Link kills the pig/octopuses): thanx! call me Ezlo._

_Link: yeah and call me Shit Face!_

_Ezlo: take me on your quest i can help Link! that's funny! i had a sister named Shit Face_

_Link (disturbed): is Ezlo really ur name?_

_Ezlo: why wouldn't it be?_

_Link: ummmmmmmmmm well my name is really Link_

_Ezlo: pleazed 2 meet u Link_

_Link: uh yeah_

_END OF FLASHBACK_

it turns out, "Ezlo" (if that's even his real name), is v. v. OUT OF SHAPE

i'd walk two steps and it'd be all "slow down" and I'd be all "if I slowed down any more I'd be standing still" and it'd be all "i like chicken" and i'd be all "i like cheese." Well ya get the picture!

All of a sudden it said, "Link, i would like to train you to become a demon-chicken-cow-liking-clown-controlling warrior…."

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omg this is my 1st fic… be nice or else DUN DUN DUM

i'll try to update this ASAP (every week...or 2 weeks... or so...or not but i WILL try)

i don't mind if you flame me just as long as u review honestly (i just will flame you back! ha ha ha).

PLZ PLZ PLZ REVEIW

-CDCB


	2. WARRIORS! omg

My Special Story: LINK HAS FEELINGS TOO

The Minish Crap

CDCB: 'ello my name is 'Arry Po'er! JK! it's the crazy, insane, mental, cakedoughnutschickenboob! woot i'm back with yet another hilarious (at least i think it is) chapter! I am sorry about the short chapter, but Link is here too! do the disclaimer Link! ...Link? Bloody 'ell! Link has been kidnapped! hey, 'lil British kid... today's ur big break!

'lil British kid: 'ello i'm the 'lil British kid an' 'ere is what CDCB does not own: me (thank god), the chipmunks (who will rule the world one day or at least kick some major squirrel ass), the cowz, clownz, evil demon chickens, warriors, Star Wars, Star Treck, or mutant flying monkeys (whoever actually wants to own this stuff is v. v. screwed up...or extra sugar high)! tell me if u see 'Arry Po'er... even if i wuz murdered in the last chapter...

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Demon-Chicken-Cow-Liking-Clown-Controlling-Warriors?

"What the Hyrule is a demon-chicken-cow-liking-clown-controlling warrior?" Link asked open eyed and ready to learn.

"Oh that..." Ezlo started, "I wuz jus seeing if u were listening and to create a cliff hanger for our viewers(s) WHO REALLY SHOULD REVIEW!"

Day 4: found myself asleep and with Ezzy (cool nickname...or not so i'll just shut-up) on my head! i wuz really pissed off and attempted to punch him. attempted meaning that i totally missed him and hit my face (crap it HURT!). i can't stop thinking about the fat man in the spandex. what did he mean by "the force." either he wuz a dedicated Star Wars fan, or just screwed in the head. i've never seen tighter spandex in my life. Ezzy is staring at me right now... i think he might need serious help...right away!

"Can i help u?" Link asked lifting up the ball-point pen he was writing in his journal with and placing it gently behind his ear.

"Huh?" it said looking around. "Sorry, i wuz just thinking of this kid i knew when i wuz studying in England. His name was Theodore Kabuki."

"What's England?" Link pondered and then froze. That kid, the one he murdered, and is being forced to be CDCB's slave, his nametag said Theodore Kabuki. Link also pondered why his last name wuz Kabuki. it wuzn't very British at all. what wuz British? what wuz England? who am i? why r we here? why, oh why, is this train of thought going on so long?

Day 4 and 4 minutes 27 seconds wait 28...29...30...31...damn, my watch just broke: i'm bored so i guess i should listen to HPH!

Link: So what do we do know?

Ezlo: well i could teach u the way of the Minish...

Link: what the Spyro?

Ezlo: let's not be rated M Link and remember this is a ZELDA FIC!

Link: Din! ...soo what's a Minish?

Ezlo (sighing): a Picori

Link: like my blade

Ezlo: yes!

Link: the little elf things!

Ezlo: yes! Linkiby (ahhh)...this spandex hat material makes it hard for me to move... can i sit on ur head again?

Link: but ur all fat and my hair looks hot without you messing it up! i'm going for the preppy look.

_Link suddenly remembered something his mother told him when he was 5_

_Really RANDOM Flashback:_

_Link: Mummy can i have an apple?_

_Mother: sorry Link we only have chickens in our yard._

_Link: but don't the chickies lay apples?_

_Mother (picking up an egg): they lay eggs dear. see._

_Link: but that's an apple _

_Mother: say it with me honey, egg! E-G-G._

_Link: then what's an apple?_

_end of flashback (thanx Hotari for the idea!)_

Link: why did i think of that?

Ezlo: another random flash back?

Link: yep!

Ezlo: let's get back to our training

Link: we started?

Ezlo: **NO BACK SASS **just for that i'm sitting on ur head.

Link: okay, whatever so what's first.

Ezlo(smiling smugly on Link's head): jump on that log!

Link: why should i?

Ezlo(shouting): i'll kick ur sorry 'lil ass if u don't!

Link: but u don't have any legs to kick me with

Ezlo: but i do have the power to (dun dun dun) NAG

Link: okay i'm on the log!

Ezlo: now i will sing u an ancient Picori song (qrfednu wjvkjgbnj vjhaejighqio nfshgauehjm)

Link (about the average size of a lady bug): i wuz already short, thank-you very much.

Ezlo (laughing and sounding much like Link): u sound like u swallowed a bucket of helium.

Link: thanx! what do we do now?

Ezlo: go across the pond.

Link (jumping in the water and drowning): i thought i knew how to swim! help!

Ezlo (safe, dry, and answering his cell phone): what Link killed Theodore Kabuki? really? he can't come to the phone he's slowly drowning to his death...uh huh...i'll tell him...LINK UR A WANTED MAN IN ENGLAND...AND BRITISH

Link (still drowning to death): i (glub) don't even know what (glub) England or (glub) British is!

Ezlo: much to learn u have

Link: YODA? what r u doing here. so how's skywalker? Zelda says he's hot! can u get Luke to take her away so she does **not **stalk me!

_Ezlo just stares blankly_

Day 5: after basically drowning all night, HPH gave up and called the Picori scuba diving team! man wuz i ever mad at him...and i still let him use my head as a perch. i am much too nice 4 my own good! we r spending the night in the Picori village. i can't under stand what the...um yeah...they r saying! GRRRR! this totally is screwing me up!

Picori: ksdhcfk cklssnbdkjghdk jfhajjhalg?

Link (slowly craking up and twiching): BOO!

Picori (offended): hmf

Ezlo: u r a rude 'lil "hero!" ...on drugs much?

Link: what did i do?

Ezlo: you said that he was a stupid, little creeper and that he should go home!

Link: but i said a one syllable word, BOO!

Ezlo: well i never.

_brief pause of boredom_

Ezlo: why don't u look 4 some one that does speak Hylian!

Link: (cue dramatic music) but, but what if i don't want to?

_will Link find the old fart that speaks Hylian? will Ezlo start humming the Picori Shrinking song? will Link be found before CDCB is killed by the 'lil British kid or is there another possibility what his secret is? FIND OUT NEXT CHAPTER!_

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CDCB: did u like it! since i need reviews this time i shall use a threat!

'lil British kid (eyes wide open): what r u gunna do CDCB?

CDCB: R&R or i will come to ur house with a potato sack!

'lil British kid: 'hat's not so 'ad

CDCB (angry): i wasn't finished! i will then find ur room

'lil British kid: still not 'hat 'ad

CDCB: NOOOO! inside the bag is Michael Jackson and he will rape u all (buah ha ha ha ha)

'lil British kid (shuttering): that is scary but, i have a secret (cue dramatic music)

a thank-you to my reviewers lilbritt, Hotari, and Sarah from hotmail! it is nice to know people **actually** read my fic!

-CDCB


	3. The End?

My Special Story-LINK HAS FEELINGS TOO

The Minish Crap

CDCB: yeah! i don't have much to say. the little British kid does have mood swings though...

'lil British kid: it 'tis a very 'onderful

CDCB: can u do the disclaimer?

'lil British kid: u do the bloody disclaimer.

CDCB: see what i mean

'lil British kid: what's that (sniff) supposed to (sniff) mean?

CDCB: well...

'lil British kid: I QUIT!

CDCB: WELL YOUR FIRED!

CDCB: well umm Link is kidnapped, the 'lil British kid left... OMG i'm all alone! well i don't own Zelda or any characters (well actually i own the games at home, but i dont think that counts...) By the way this is the last chapter. Read one of my goooood stories!

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The Old Fart

Day 6: Ezlo wants me to find some old fart that will help me speak Picori. like i really want to know what klasdhga skdjgakejgn jgjakejhljhklfj kfdjgalnjghaj ladflahjinnnjfsa means.i guess Ezlo won't shut the heck up until i do, but to be totally honest i don't give a rats ass about it!

Ezlo: GO FIND THE GUY WHO...

Link (falling to his knees and whimpers): I WILL! JUST shut-up!

Ezlo: talk to the hand

Link: what hand?

Day 6 1/2: tee hee i am making Ezlo really pissed off! this is actually fun!

Ezlo: GO FIND THE GUY WHO...

Link: picks his nose?

Ezlo: no THE GUY WHO

Link: craps himself?

Ezlo: NOOO THE GUY WHO...

Link: WONT SHUT UP?

Ezlo: u hurt my feelings... i'm not talking to u!

Link:YESSSSSSSS! i am free

Ezlo (saying it very quickly): THE GUY WHO SPEAKS HYLIAN AND (hopefully) DOSEN'T PICK HIS NOSE,CRAP HIMSELF ETC!

Link (under his breath): crap

Day 7: I CAN'T STAND IT! WHAT R THEY SAYING!

Link: hi

Picori: jgfdhdak!

Link: bye

Picori (confused): bbbbbyyyyeee?

Day 7 1 minute and a half plus 2 seconds: i GIVE UP! i walked around town until i found a a guy that spoke Hylian.

Old Fart: hi young whipersnapper! what do u want?

Link: er...um...i'd like to know how to speak Picori!

Old Fart: ur a human aren't u

Link: yes and i'm trying to save Hyrule...

Old Fart: humans aren't supposed to see us

Link: u see my ancestor defeated monsters n' stuff u know Four Swords...with Vaati and the ability to become more than one me

Old Fart: the kid that sealed the Picori blade before

Link: yea!

Old Fart: he stole all my cookies

Link: maybe he was hungry?

Old Fart: i was too and for years and years i have wondered how those cookies would taste.

Link: what kind of cookies?

Old Fart: monster cookies, made from chocolate, spinkles, Billy Bob...

Link: cannable

Old Fart: Billy Bob's famous peacans

Link: oh, so can u teach me to speak Picori...ish

Old Fart: if you can retrive these ingredients and bake them for me!

Link: isn't there an easier way??? (que sad soap opera music)

Old Fart: give me the peacans!!!

Link: fine!

Day 7...still?: I seached and searched for these tarded nut when all of a sudden I saw a Picori with a Jabber Nut. I was so hungry I ate it. some how the Picoi are making a lot more sence.

Link: I am Link

Picori: You are cool.

Link: I think I am too!

Old Fart: You can talk?

Link: Owwwwwwwwwwwned.

Old Fart: I will never know, what those cookies will taste like...

All of a sudden Ezlo grew super human strength and beat all them temples and brought back all the items you need in the game and taught link all the knowledge he neeeded to no about the game.

Link: wow...that was awesome.

Ezlo: I no. Let's go to Hyrule.

Day 1: I just realized that this has been 1 day long the whole time. I guess I thought everytime I fell asleep was a new day. Anyways I am in Hyrule town and there are all these people locked indoors. I was like all omfg(oh, my friend giselle)ing when I say the cool guy who froze Zelda.

Link: Dude you are my hero!

Vaati: Die

Link:??? All I want is an autograph.

Vaati: I was once a Picori

Link: Really? Now about that autograph...

Ezlo: Vaati you never should have taken my hat.

Link: Wait what about my hat. I'm supposed to be the one with the cool hat.

Link burst out into tears. All he wanted was an autograph.

Vaati: I'll kill the boy

Ezlo: Okay...the British police were going to anyways.

Link (clicking his heels together): there's no place like home. there's no place like home.

Zelda:...

WAIT WHEN YOU ARE STONE YOU CAN"T TALK???

Ezlo, Link, and Vaati: OWWWWWWWNED

All three of them high fived.

Vaati: Awe. I love you Ez. Be a human like be.

All of a sudden Ezlo was replaced by an old man with a long mustache and green cloak.

Link: AHHHHHH... MY EYES

Link blindly ran into a tree.

Vaati and Ezlo, now best friends, decided that Link was a tard and just to make his life miserable, unfroze Zelda.

Link woke up dazed and confused. As he slowly opened his eyes he saw a really dumb blonde.

Zelda (talking so quick she slurred): OMGlinkiamsohappyicantalk! Doyouthinktalkingisfunbecauseido. Daddysayswecangetmarried! Wannagetmarried?

Link (very confused): errr...yes?

He had answered like that for he had not understood what she was getting at.

And with that Link and Zelda got married...again and Ezlo and Vaati went on to conquer the world.

The End

Credits

Director CDCB

Writer CDCB

Editor lama

Designer lama

Colour Coordinator lama

Producer lama

Misspelt Words lmaa

Link played by Zelda

Zelda played by Link

That lmaa...

Thnx for reading


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